The Morning and Mourning

"Woof! woof! woof!"

their bark has woke me from my sleep. enuff with one annoying phone alarm (which is helpful anyway, don't get me wrong. you really need your phone alarm to be annoying in order for you to wake up. muahahahah).

but their timing is earlier than my alarm. awal 30 menet je pon :P but stillllllll, i really value those 30 minutes. you can still continue to roll on your bed which is the coziest place, golek golek golek golek. sape tanak. heaven tuh.

tried to continue golek-ing but can't, so with my half-open eyes, i reached out my hand to the window and try to figure out what's happening.

ade 4 ekor, 2 side gang anjing (east side, west side) yg ganas sedang berbalas salakan kat tanah lapang belakang rumah. pergh nih je ke puncanye?

still tgk je..mamai kan. but then, one of the dog from the other side moved to the other gang. and they were still barking, which means.. 3 vs 1 plak la kan?

gosok-gosok mata, tengok bebetul.

i really, really, really shaken with what i saw.






seekor kucing dan 3 anjing. 3 anjing tengah kepung kucing. derang main pusing-pusing kepung kucing tuh.

gile ke?

still watching (sambil bace doa yg kucing tuh bleh escape). kucing dah dlm fight mode, and was trying to flee from the enemy's circle. he tried but..

i can see from my window he was struggled with all his might to escape from their grip. he was going to run, yet he didn't make it as i can see his white fur has turned red. i closed my window hastily because i don't want to know how it's end.

and somehow, i feel defeated.

Dancing Day with 'Dancing with the Stars'

found this video clip on Kim's blog. press play and you might dance along with it! ;)




p/s: i do think it resembles N'Sync + Backstreet Boys from the yester-years. the kinda fun music yet injected with more fresh mood into it.

You Used to Sing This for Me

Love me tender,
Love me sweet,
Never let me go.

You have made my life complete,
And I love you so.

Love me tender,
Love me true,
All my dreams fulfilled.

For my darlin I love you,
And I always will.

Love me tender,
Love me long,
Take me to your heart.

For its there that I belong,
And well never part.

Love me tender,
Love me dear,
Tell me you are mine.

Ill be yours through all the years,
Till the end of time.

When I Was a Little Girl

some of what happen now remind me of the 'little' me. yes, way back to the yester-years of being that little girl.

that time was the time when i was innocent, the time when i don't really use my head before acting, the time when everything seem so easy to be lived for, the time that i can really laugh for the entire day and slept soundly without worrying sick of anything.

the time when i was stupid like a cow being a little bit naughty.

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Case 1

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i'm not a cute girl to begin with. i have my own tanned skin which i believed mom was craving for the soy sauce when she was carrying me.

erk, kenape fikir sampai macam tuh skali?

blame to the fact of my mom told me that she was craving for soy drink when she was carrying Aca. FYI, she's fair.

soy drink=white

soy sauce=black

sape tak emo. haha. tadek la. emo time kekecik je.

when i was 9 or 10, fair n lovely was a hit on the beauty chart. as a kid that totally got under influence and a desperation of being a beauty (hhahahaah), i asked my dad to go buy it for me.

"abah, akak rase akak nak fair n lovely la"

"nape akak nak fair n lovely?"

"sbb akak nak putih, orang lain putih je. abang putih, aca putih, akim, asha pon same"

"akak cat je la muke akak. lagi putih dari sumer orang. abah hitam ok je? *sengih*"

langsung diam tanda protes. tp still abah tak belikan. *lari dengan perasaan terguris*

- mase nih asha putih lagi la. hahahahahah skang dah same ngan akuuuuuuuuuu

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Case 2

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since Aca is the cute girl at that time with the package of short, straight hair, fair and chubby, i have nothing to be compete with. i'm brown, keding lak tuh. tapi kenape ako nak compete? cause one of my favourite cousin said "Aca ni kiut la" hati nih membuak-buak la nak cantik.

since he got his eyes on her, i've choosed to pick another path. the lead singer boyband 'Exist' was the one that i turned to. yer, si Mamat tuh.

i remembered that a padlock had accidentally fell onto my feet, and my toes were bleeding. i was crying like hell and what i've asked for was Mamat to rescue me.

.

.

.

.

bodohnyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. tolong la lempang ako laju-laju

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Case 3

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i would say i'm a successful bully. as an innocent-look bully, i focused my job inside the family circle only, means the victims would be my dear bro and sistahs. but usually my bro would be the great Personal Assistant in executing our 'brilliant' plan to our sistahs (HA HA HA gelak jahat) and the plan would be executed only behind our parents as we want to avoid any punishment listed below:

ranking punishment (most popular):

1. cubitan 'merah' kasih sayang dari umi (mmg umph)

2. kene baling hanger baju

3. kene rotan

4. jengilan mata yang ganas

there was a day when me and bro digging Spidey's spiderweb (we found it's uber-cool) and we've decided to do one, our own version. using chewing gums. we've chewed a lots of chewing gums, and started making it into a shape like a thin thread and streched each ends to the door panel.

rupe pintu setelah didekorasi dengan chewed gum

kim, who is around 4-5 that time, wanted to join us building the spiderweb, but we've declined. budak kecik mane terel buat spiderweb, fikir ako time tuh. but she kept on insisted to join us although we've keep demured her. by the time we've finished with our web, we're totally amazed of our work. me and my bro were proud and stand in awe looking at our own version. erm, what's the fun left after a thing are done? we've destroyed it. :D

"kim, meh sini. lalu la kat tgh tuh *sambil tunjuk kat spiderweb versi kami*"
"haa? lalu ke?"
"haah lalu la. lalu la!"

maka, berlalulah kim ke tgh-tgh spiderweb itu. "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!"

the chewing gums are all over kim's hair. me and my bro changing look to each other. for sure, we were panicked. we've to rush before umi finds out about this. yet.. we were too late..

"Akak, Abang??! Ape yang korang dah buat nih?"

umi was shocked to see kim in that condition while us beside her. while she was trying to get the gums off from kim's hair, she gave tons of nagging and scolded us for our doings. sangat penat telinga nih menadah.

not to forget, kim got a hair cut that day to get rid the gums. bad news was, it doesn't suits her at all. hahaha.

*maafkan akak, kim*

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Case 4
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me and my bro loooooveee to drink A&W root beer. we love the sensational feeling when drinking it, which we would say "Aaah" after gulping the drink. Abah has bought 1 bottle of it as there were guests coming to the house.

but, we've tend to fight over the drink with the guest as we want to drink it as well, and abah was furious about it (malu la tuh anak gadoh-gadoh depan guest. haha). so, when the guests were gone, abah was back with 2 bottles of A&W root beer. suke nye kami tidak kepalang wieeeyyyy!

abah called us both to sit in the kitchen and placed one bottle each in front of us.

"Ha, nak sangat kan. minum nih sampai habis. kalau tak habis, jangan naik"

erk.. i was confused with his statement but i can see my bro was excited to finish it all up.
.
.
.
.

5 minutes passed by

"umi, akak dah tak larat la nak minum. minum esok takleh ker?"

baru tahu tak larat kan nak habeskan. abg yg rase gagah nak minum pon tak larat tau. :P
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that was a part of my foolishness, silly-lilly and when i think it back, it would give me a smile or a small laugh, and somehow it can make my day. yeah i really wish i'm not that kid when i was small, but when the bits are gone, there're nothing left to be laughed to.

tapi sayang la tak penah buli asha mase kekecik. oops!

:P

aku sayang famili aku. sob sob sob.

i don't mind..

i can be mad,
and i can be sad,
as what i expected,
can always be rejected.

i can be loved,
and i can be hated,
as what i have,
is just me to be offered.

i did love you,
i did trust you,
i did please you,
but i never can satisfied you.

i don't know either i'm stronger,
i don't know either i'm weaker,
i don't know why you still linger,
in my head playing like a spinner.

my head telling me that we're off,
but my heart still kept you a place, and i'm falling off.

i am sorry. i wish i could handle it better.

Have No Idea

umi's birthday (read: mom's birthday) is approaching soon, and i haven't decide on what to buy for her. seriously, she just can buy any desired thing with her own money.

comparing that fact with my salary (minus all commitment and bills and what-not), i just can't find the idea of what of to be given to her as her birthday present.

i do appreciate if you guys can suggest me gifts that i can give to her, as 'the gift' can be utilized at the fullest, unlike un-temp thing like flowers that can stay just for a few days. oh, and at moderate price also.

perhaps being a kid, it won't be too difficult in making decision on what to buy, eh?

asha. my youngest sister, have been known as a person that not afraid to show her love to our parents. and this is not meant by, being youngest, she's the one that has been showered with fully attention by our parents. she's totally independent for a teenager at her age, and has been treated fair and equal like us by them.

it's just, what differ me and her, she would ask my mom's hands, and kiss her hands and forehead before going to school, everyday which is unlike me who has been stayed at hostel before, was totally awkward when seeing her like that.

ako kan rebel. kate rebel. mane reti nak wat cemtu. dulu la skang tidak lagy!

got this one time, when she was little, i think she was around 8 or 9, she did something that i do remember it until this now. i do think it's cute for her to do that, and adorable too. :)

it was my mom's birthday and while others were just wishing her birthday, she shopped for my mom for her gift, and can you ever guess what she has bought for my mom?

a toothbrush and a small box of coco crunch kid size.

"nah, happy birthday umi!" said her innocently, and i do remember that i've cracked to tons of unstoppable laughter.

"ape nih. beli nih kat umi? kelakar la ko!" sambung gelak gelak.

and mom back her up said "at least dier kasik umi hadiah kan?" senyum umi.

.
.
.

yer ako terkedu. and after that, i would always remember to give my mom something for her birthday, to show and tell her, that i do LOVE her, that i do REMEMBER her birthday. (altho kadang2 terkantoi tak terkasik sbb tak berduit. hihi)

so, i do appreciate any suggestions from you guys. thanks in advance!

I'm Sorry Reen

Haih..

It's been some time since my last update. And it's been some time that I've received one kewl award (pergh!) from Missy Reen. Thank you, thank you :) Please don't think I'm ignoring it, haha

1. Copy badge “2008 Cute’s 3logger Award” di atas untuk diletakkan di blog anda

2. Link/ceritakan kembali siapa yang memberikan award ini kepada anda.
- she's reen. the pretty one. tak bodek, serius nih. seserius ako main DOTa.

- although she and me graduated from MMU Cyberjaya, i never have the chance to know her AT ALL while studying there. it's weird cause, i knew all her friends, plus, i do recognize her, and knew her name (hahhh) but we never have the chance to say hi. (ade chance sebenarnye tapi tah, ditakdirkan begitu. kuang kuang)

then in this place called XXX, we met again for the __ time, and she said hi, and i believe that's when i knew her better :D

- i always thought that she can be the 'bidan terjun' (or replacer) for this silkygirl model if she's sick/taking MC/abducted by the alien.

cilok dari orkidlah8

- i don't know what she's doing now although we're stationed in ODC as neighbours (read: ODC bersebelahan). perhaps on this reason:

1. dier shift pagy, ako shift petang

2. dier shift petang, ako shift pagy

3. aku je shift, dier tak shift (mmg setia)

4. dier je shift, ako tak shift (mmg tidak, sile pangkah potong ako tak reti la nak wat line potong ayat tuh)

5. lu pk la sendiri

- dier skandal ngan ___ , pemain badminton yg lincah tapi peliknye tak berDOTa

- and last, you can visit her blog, and make friends with her. Cause she's the person who r fun to be with! http://reebellerina.blogspot.com/ msg je, dier tak kesah.

3. Setiap blogger mesti menyatakan 10 fakta/hobi diri sendiri sebelum memilih penerima award seterusnya.
- mmg sangat pemalu weh. phhbbtttht^%

- ske berDOTa walaupun asik jadik feeder. tunggu la saat yg indah akan tiba. nanti sumer lari tanak main satu lane ngan ako. hahahahhahahahahah

- love and will continue to sing to the end of the pitch (read: pitching menjunam ke laut) although people start making the face that i'm not Cristina Aguilera. yes, i'm not her, but who cares? i pay whot?

- fond bowling, but there's no one to accompany me anymore as he spent more time on his golf-ing.

- cukupla tuh

4. Anda perlu memilih 10 penerima award seterusnya dan menyatakan nama mereka di blog anda.

- ako tanak kasik award redundant (read: award same yg melimpah-limpah) tp sape yg tak dapat lagy, ape lagy rebutla peluang ini utk jadik cute blogger 2008, klo ade rezeki, mungkin 2009 pon boleh.

sekian, terima kasih.

p/s: ako mamai arinih. dan tak berminat utk pk pasal keje

21 Questions

he used to sang this song to me, when the song was top on the chart. i would thought this would be a sappy song for a rapper who known as '50 cent'. his single ' In the Club' was the in-thing back then, and later, he came out with this kind of song.

please switch on your imaginary channel, imagine a tough, half-naked hulk singing a love song with that look in his eyes. the 'lovey dovey' look. ouch! hahahahahahhah

OK, i really can't bare to imagine 50 cent singing this to me, cause i'm not head over heels towards him, and he does not make me dream about him every night. but, if your special one singing this to you? this song just turn into a new era, a new touch, a new meaning. ewahh.

girls always think about their security. yes, that's true, indeed it applies to every single of women. it's just how women lead their life in achieving the level of security are different with each other.

when the hulk produced this song, i could feel that, guys would want themselves to be loved as themselves, as the real them. (biase la tuh kami pompuan nak yang terbaik utk kite berdue. hahahahaha. korang pon same, dun be in denial) i admit girls are easy to fall in love with some hunks. hunks as well known, are totally driven and fantasize girls all the time. and then, they might start to say 'Hi' and starting dating, but that's not when the challenge begins. it will just start when both are you thinking about making the relationship further. that's when you can see the true colors of each others, and the idea of how to cope with all the new things can be troublesome (and wonderful also!).

ah, senang citer, ini lagu luahan lelaki yang taff (read: tough) dan saye menghargai keberanian dier sbb lelaki sukar untuk meluahkan perasaan mereka. sebab, selalunye perempuan yang suke meluahkan perasaan, bukan lelaki. sekian, sile la nyanyi nyanyi lagu di bawah.

tolong jangan tembak ako cakap ako seksis.

Girl...It's easy to love me now...
Would you love me if I was down and out?
Would you still have love for me?
Girl...It's easy to love me now
Would you love me if I was down and out?
Would you still have love for me?
Girl...

1. If I fell off tomorrow would you still love me?
2. If I didn't smell so good would you still hug me?
3. If I got locked up and sentenced to a quarter century, Could I count on you to be there to support me mentally?
4. If I went back to a hoopty from a Benz, would you poof and disappear like some of my friends?
5. If I was hit and I was hurt would you be by my side?
6. If it was time to put in work would you be down to ride?
7. I'd get out and peel a nigga cap and chill and drive, I'm asking questions to find out how you feel inside
8. If I ain't rap 'cause I flipped burgers at Burger King, would you be ashamed to tell your friends you feelin' me?
9. In the bed if I used my tongue would you like that?
10. If I wrote you a love letter would you write back?
Now we can have a lil' drink you know a nightcap
And we could go do what you like, I know you like that

11. Now would you leave me if your father found out I was thuggin'?
12. Do you believe me when I tell you, you the one I'm loving?
13. Are you mad 'cause I'm asking you 21 questions?
14. Are you my soulmate? 'Cause if so, girl you a blessing
15. Do you trust me enough, to tell me your dreams?
I'm staring at ya' trying to figure how you got in them jeans
16. If I was down would you say things to make me smile? I treat you how you want to be treated just teach me how
17. If I was with some other chick and someone happened to see?
18. And when you asked me about it I said it wasn't me, Would you believe me? Or up and leave me?
19. How deep is our bond if that's all it takes for you to be gone?
We only humans girl we make mistakes, to make it up I do whatever it takeI love you like a fat kid love cake

You know my style I say anything to make you smile

20. Could you love me in the bently?
21. Could you love me on a bus?

I'll ask 21 questions, and they all about us

Could you love me in the bently?
Could you love me on a bus?
I'll ask 21 questions, and they all about us

Ya, saya kemukakan yang same kepada en bf.

p/s: got a few questions above that too 'ewww' for me, and it may to you too. so just ignore it. wat dunno, got me? :P one more, ako pakai label je soklan tuh haha

pp/s: yer ade label baru, 'lelaki' hahahahahahhahaha

note: the 21 questions game is THE way to get to know someone without being awkward; actually carrying a conversation with someone in order to learn about them might be harmful to you and the other person. it can be any questions (doesn't mean to be the same as above) that you have in mind. try it, you might love it!

The Old Memory

i have done some packing for the job training in Bangalore that has been scheduled tomorrow, and now it has been cancelled due to management issue. half happy and half upset. heh. i do think i'm ok with it after our lil talk at mamak last night with mun mun and wa wa (haha cam twin lak). and yes, my dear BF is soooo happy with the news. that means (for him) that he won't celebrate our 6th anniversary alone this upcoming 12th January. horrrey!

but i do worried about the status of the company. it does worries me much.. sigh sigh sigh

while i'm packing my bag for the trip a few day before, it bring along the old memories back when i have the offer from the boarding school.

jeng jeng jeng
.
.
.

"akak, dah buat check list cam abah suruh tuh?"
"dah. nape bah?"
"meh sini nak tengok (paused ngan kerut kerut muke) nape cam ade banyak je yang tak cukup. isk. meh la abah tambah lagi"

and he went on writing more things into my checklist (which is yang sebenar-benarnye incomplete yet because abah is so strict by the due date i just told him that i've done with it. huhuhu haruu). and later abah passed the list to me again, and to my amazement, the list has gone 2 times longer than the previous one.

talking about my dad, dude. he's all about perfection in work, although he can be as laid back as he wanted. haha

anyway, what can be expected from the form 1 student when this is her first time she gonna be far away from her parents. you could assume that she haven't prepared anything, because she believed she just going to the same school as the other school.

the time has come for the registration. farhana and nazihah have waited for me for quite some time just to make sure that we will have the same dormitory, but sad news to us as they already placed our name to the designated dorm. me and farhana were on our half-lucky strike as we were placed in the same dorm, while nazihah's dorm was at the 3rd floor.

farhana, being the one who are very closed to her family, was being totally gloomy that day. she doesn't like the idea of being far away from her family, which for me i totally didn't understand at that time. because at that time, i'm the person who don't know what's 'missing someone' means. i'm not that close to my family either at that time rasenye la kut

week passed us by, and i can see the whole 1st week, the public telephones provided were fully occupied. there were 3 telephones overall at our hostel, and girls do fight about their rights using the phone (mind you there were some people that will go on talking talking talking sob sob and talking like for-evah!)

"mak, tak suke la duk sini. tak same la cam kat umah *teary eyes*"

"mak, nape lauk kat sini tak sedap macam yg mak masak kat umah eh? tak best la"

"mak, tolong la amek saye balik. sangatla tak best kat hostel nih"

sumer nak ber-mak mak la kan. kat umah tanak ber-mak mak. baru ko tahu duk jauh dari mak bapak.

what i'm trying to tell here is that, everyone was feeling homesick and i wonder am i the only one who is happy here? why i'm not reacting as them? why i don't feel anything? if i called home, i won't take a long time to chit chatting with my family. enough with asking how are they doing and chit chat a little bit more and i'm done. but the others would be so draggy when they called home.

i labeled them as 'the crybaby' *yer betapa sombong nye ako time tuh*

every weekend farhana would received a visit from her parents. being me who is a close friend to her at that time, and has known her parents for some a quite time, i'll always be beside her when she was meeting them. i can see there was a smile on her face, something warm wraps her. i'm quite sure she was happy when seeing them there close to her.

every time her parents make a visit to her, that every time too they will asked me "abah ngan umi tak datang ker?" and i would politely replied, "tak la uncle. abah busy kot"

but.. 4th week came, and they asked the same question, and i'm giving the same old answer, her father suddenly said, "takpela, uncle pon bleh jadik abah atiqah kan?" and he smiled.

.
.
.

*dumbstruck*

i can feel like my heart have stopped. i stood there, and it was hard to breath. too many eyes were staring at me, waiting for me to give my response. slowly i manage to get my composure back and replied with a soft, weak smile, "nak masuk dulu la, saje jumpe uncle ngan auntie nak salam-salam dan tanye khabar. jumpe lagi!".

i dashed to the toilet and sobbed. and the sobbing worsen with the thought that my parents haven't seen me for a month, and just now my friend's father said he can be my father. bang! i'm not mad at him for saying that. really, it just hit me with the reality.

for a 13 years old teenager, i'm not thinking at my best. i'm not at my best for the clueless emotional rampage. i'm not a spoilt kid back in home, but this is my first time seeing myself in a weak condition. i've barely knew myself anymore when i realized that i'm crying harder. is this me? is this the real me?

later, i called home, and i did what the others did. the draggy conversation, the sobbing part, the mak-mak thingy, all have came back to me right on my face. HAHAHA look, who is the crybaby now eh? *raised up my white flag kuang kuang kuang*

abah directly came at me the very next day. and i got TONS of surprise. wahhhhhh

1. lotsa food; junk food, chocs, sweets you named it.
2. some new long sleeve shirt
and the most important thing at that time
3. my first ever walkman :D

huahuahuahuahuahauah. tak nanges dah. bleh tahan bapak ako sogok ako :D

thanks to this school because without this experience i wouldn't be teached on how to be independent and know to appreciate others.

me luv ma familia!

p/s: aca kasik nih semalam while having our sisterly-dine-out "motorsikal apa yang berpusing-pusing tapi tak bergerak". the answer is totally hilarious. haha but i guess everybody knew it already pon :D